COPING WITH ADOLESCENT BEHAVIOUR

INTRODUCTION
One can arguably say there is no period a parent finds his or her child stranger to understand other than the adolescent stage in their life. The behaviors of these children get so strange to the confusion of what disciplinary action one can adopt. The parent(s) is/are often torn apart, especially the mother who is quick to notice these eccentric traits. They often don’t know whether to be silent or to speak, whether to flog or to send them away. If the parent leaves the child to his/her whims, he/she could get bad to a state of not easily corrected, on the other hand, if the parent does not speak up, it may appear that he/she is not moving with the age of the child. Not to recognize that the child is growing up and that at each stage in the child’s life, new methods of training and discipline must be adopted would be a sign of poor parenting. This confusion, not many parents are able to overcome. So, how could one cope with this behavior, knowing too well that the adulthood of the child and what he/she would become is built during this period? This is where an understanding of the adolescent period of a child is important and adopting ways of coping is not only important but non-negotiable. But to well develop this topic, we must first look at what adolescent period and the characteristics that mark this period are.

UNDERSTANDING THE ADOLESCENT STAGE IN LIFE
The adolescent period is often the teenage period of the child. This is more generally defined as the period from puberty to adulthood. Puberty is more characteristically known as the beginning of physiological changes and maturation in the individual; that is adult sexual characteristics like breasts, menstrual periods, pubic hair, facial hair, etc start developing. This period usually stems from 8-14 years old. These however, are only the physical signs. There are also internal signs and these are reflected in unusual behaviours. Typical adolescent behavior include many things that seem strange to parents like dyed hair, sagging of trousers by boys, odd piercings, strange music, new fashion and even making new friends. For girls, appearance means so much to them at this time. They care about their looks and want to be trendy. They thus move with many trendy styles even with technology. I must quickly add here, that many teenager get fixated at this stage and even at adulthood, they are still caught up with the fever of adolescent behaviour. These people usually are advanced in age but in behavior they have been trapped in an earlier stage in life. Be that as it may, the adolescent period is basically a time of experimentation for some teenagers. Some experiment with alcohol and drugs and sometimes sex.

Remarkably, the factor informing some of these traits and behavior is the desire for independence and this can sometimes lead teenagers to distance themselves from their families. This trait can be more worrisome as the teenager would appear to find no more solace and happiness with family members but with friends of their ‘click’. This sometimes too, draws the child’s participation at home backward. This latter development of weaker desire to participate in house chores is a more disturbing tendency that calls for concern.

Closely related with this tendency is increased argumentation. Teenagers who appear to find solace with friends and have more hang-out times are likely to feel that their parents do not love them or they accuse their parents of unfairness. The latter is a common misgiving amongst teenagers. This situation sometimes causes parent-child rift. It needs some understanding and techniques to handle such a teenager. Once this tendency continues for long, then, problem is properly brewing.

Of a close note is the emotional ups and down which sometimes reflect in mental change during this period. Teenagers during this period usually have intervals of moodiness. They sometimes complain of no friends once and the next time, one finds him/her hanging out with many friends. Some of these behavioural undulations are even expressed in friendships. Some friends would experience the inconsistency in reaction of teenage friends which they would time and again come to apologize for. Anxiety and sadness are two emotions that are not likely to go away. One must understand their frequent change in a pattern that may become so annoying and even irritating. But this may indicate an emotional conflict which may be resolved by attention by a close friend, family member or even a counselor.

One common factor that cannot but be mentioned is the fact of rebellion. Adolescent during their developing years are most rebellious. This rebellion is more to constituted authorities. First, there is the rebellion to parents, the school authorities and then to God. In fact, this is the period many adolescent just skip church activities for no good reason. Some who even out of coercion go to church would even not participate in events in the Church or deliberately stop going to confession, receiving communion and sometimes they even cut off their attendance of pious societies they may have hitherto belonged to. They just really seem to go blank with understanding any meaning with church, God and authorities. These authorities appear just like burden to them and they really would want to get over them. But this attitude must not be allowed to play out just like that.

The weird features of the adolescent period enumerated above seem to make this period more frightening than it may have earlier appeared or noticed. But this is not the aim of this write-up. In fact, these characteristic traits are common yet easily managed if well understood. In fact, many adults who successfully passed this stage without being terribly caught up in their own errors and naivety of the adolescent period look back with deep appreciation to those significant others whom they then hated but guided them through this period with pains, understanding and firmness. How this period can be managed is therefore our next concern.


TIPS FOR COPING WITH THE ADOLESCENT YEARS
There are a number of ways to handle this period in the life of the teen. But the foremost step would be staying informed and keeping the teen informed. By this, parents must first understand that this stage in their life has set in and then move to be more tolerant. Again, parents must make their teens good friends by keeping them informed of events in their life. The better the lines of communication are kept, the more open the child would be during this period of his/her life. You must seek to listen to your child. Know when he is beginning to give salacious jokes and beginning to be secretive. This is exactly when you should jump into asking him/her some questions. You must teach him/her the rudiments of this period especially handling things like menstruation and wet dreams. Give your child books to read on adolescence and you could share some of your experiences with your child.

Another way one can ply through this period is by setting expectations for your teen. Once a child knows the expectations he has from his/her parent, he/she would most likely want to fulfill them. Expectations like good grades, set behaviour, etc help to check unruly behaviour. The absence of expectation would make the child feels the parent does not love him/her.

Parents and adult friends must be patient with their adolescent ward. They must put themselves in the shoes of their teen and slow down the hammer. Again, parents and guardians must not been seen speaking on every issue. Not all battles the parent must enter into. Once they are not so harmful, you may choose to overlook. This does not mean not speaking at all, but not exerting any much pressure for change. For instance, if he wants to wear a particular hairstyle, as long as it does not affect the moral outlook of the child, you can choose to be indifferent. Nevertheless, such a parent should speak up with changing friends whom they do not know or if the child starts keeping late nights, experimentation with drugs, tobacco, alcohol or even sex. Closely associated with this is the fact that, parents must learn to know the friends of their children at this stage, where they go and equally set time when they should return. Peer influence is very strong during this time.

Be that as it may, parents must learn to respect the privacy of their teen at this period. By this, parents should not just invade the rooms of their adolescent child. Although, once warning signs are imminent, parents could invade their privacy till they get to the heart of the matter. Otherwise, there should be respect of the fact that they are becoming adults and there should be a respect for privacy. Text messages, e-mails, telephone callers, should be the privacy of the adolescent child. Once these are unduly invaded, the child could cause rebellion and funny reactions. Parents should learn to trust their children. Once confidence is reposed on them, they most likely would respond to the obligation of confidence- good behaviour.

Further, parents must similarly monitor what their adolescent read and see. This is not a violation of their privacy. During this period, there are a handful of information available to the teenage child. Parents should not be afraid to make rules on what they read and not allow too much of screen time and even too much of visit to the internet. While these should be encouraged, preoccupation in them may lead to fallen grades and even corruption of morals. Accessing the internet and viewing of programmes must not be left to the privacy of the adolescent child.

Parents must equally encourage responsibility during this period. Adolescent children should be given tasks. They could be made to handle cooking at particular times, or given other adult responsibilities with supervision. This makes them feel accepted and responsible. Teens could be allowed private time to be alone sometimes during the day. Conversely, parents should learn to spend some time with their adolescent children during this period to discuss their future dreams. During the adolescent period, the teens are likely to lose sight of their dreams for the future. In discussing with them like this, their vision and purposes are refreshed.

Parents must equally loosen the rope tighten on their children at this time. Parents must learn to explain unacceptable behavior on their children at this time. Since this is the period of argumentation, they want to know why they are prevented from doing certain things. Only with an explanation would they have reason why they should not venture into such an act again. Parents must be aware that certain disciplinary actions are not most appropriate for the adolescent child. The way a child of 8-13 years old would be punished may be different from the way one of 15-20 should be punished. Again, the mode and place of correction is important. Once a child is reproved openly, the child would not take to correction.

Lastly, parents must learn to love their children. They must emphasize their strength above their weaknesses. They must let them know what they worth and why they must not afford to lose their value and worth. Parents must find things they love about their adolescent children and always look at it when they feel irritated by the weird adolescent behaviour. They must above all be patient and commend them to God at all times. Coping with adolescent behaviour must be with one motto: we are going through this together and we are coming out of this together. Eventually, the adolescent years wear out, and maturity, understanding, discipline and devotion set in.